119. (also post #1)

Okay this was actually my first post done April 11, 2010. Keep that in mind since some of these things have now changed in the little over a year since I wrote it. But I thought it needed to come up again for the newer people here! After this I would suggest you read # 116 since it was written just two weeks ago!

This blog is not meant to make people sad, have them feel sorry for me and it is not for attention. It is simply to let people understand what I am going through, and what has been happening throughout the last 10 years of my life. Also, I am reading a couple new books by Mary J. Shomon and through these books I am going to attempt (once again) to lose the weight that this disease has caused me. So this blog will also be my weekly (possibly daily) journey with this last resort diet; the "Thyroid Diet".

When I was in 7th grade I was diagnosed with Graves' Disease, and hyperthyroidism. (In case you were wondering you can have hyperthyroidism without Graves' Disease) That is when your thyroid (butterfly shaped gland that wraps around your trachea) is over active. Your thyroid controls almost everything that happens inside your body, like:

Heart Rate

Metabolism

Moods

Immune System

Menstrual Cycles

Sex drive

Brain Activity

Ability to get pregnant

Body Temp

Cholesterol

etc. etc. etc. (I think you get the point)

I'm not certain, since I have never done speed, but I'm guessing that's what your body feels like at all times; like you're on speed (sitting down relaxing my heart rate was going 150 bpm...yea...) So I was taking medication and during my Freshman year of High School I went into remission from the disease and all seemed great for a while. During my Sophomore year however I started feeling not so great again. We called the Doctor he said I was fine... so we just went along with it. At the end of the year we went back to the Doctor and I had relapsed. It was the worst I have ever been and we were told if we didn't do something soon I would slip into a vegetable like state and eventually die from that. We had my thyroid removed with radio active iodine and were told that with thyroid replacement medication I would be fine. Ha...Ha...Ha.... ;)



Up until that point I had always been rather thin, I was 5'8'' and weighed in around 140-145 lbs. I was very athletic, on soccer teams, club swimming and recreational swimming teams, volleyball, basketball...basically I was always busy with sports. It wasn't long after I had my thyroid removed that I started gaining weight. I got up to somewhere between 180 and 190 lbs by the end of my Senior year of High School. At the time we thought it might have something to do with my thyroid problems but we really just blamed it on me eating the same and not working out anymore. (I have hyper-elasticity in my joints...and because of that I blew all the ligaments out of my right shoulder, some in my left shoulder; and it was starting in my knees.) I was on thyroid replacement hormone but they couldn't find the right dose, I wasn't able to get to a "normal" level. It was very frustrating, but besides being a little overweight it wasn't interfering with my life so I didn't really care.



In the fall of 2006 I left home to go to Biola University La Mirada, CA. College was great but man...that Freshman 15...turned into a Freshman 50. I was gaining weight like crazy and I couldn't stop. In December of that year we did some more testing and found out I went to the complete opposite side of the thyroid problem; I was now Hypothyroid with Hashimoto's Disease. (Once again you can have the first without the other) I didn't just go to the under active side of things...I was WAY under active, which explained the weight gain. After we found this out my mom took me to a specialist in Beverly Hills to try to fix what was going on. Because he is pretty well known I won't mention his name...but he was the worst Doctor I have seen since this started. He accused me of not taking my medication, he said I was probably scarfing down soy products. (soy is incredibly bad for people with thyroid problems) I wasn't doing any of these things, this guy just thought he was so awesome, that me getting worse HAD to be my fault, not his. Needless to say I continued to get worse and worse over the next year and a half. I started doing horrible with my school work, mainly tests, because everything was so slowed down I couldn't concentrate, I couldn't remember things I had studied and one day I even forgot my name. It was terrifying I cried for hours. Soon enough all I wanted to do was sleep, and I was getting sick a lot. I didn't feel happy all the time like I usually did and just walking exhausted me. I didn't gain a lot more weight but when I finished my Sophomore year of College I weighed in at 250 lbs. ugh...



After that year I moved to Texas with my -then soon to be- husband Cory. I found another Doctor here, her name is Dr. Espinoza and she has been great so far...but I haven't been helped. I have continued to get worse and I have gained more and more weight. I moved to Texas in May of 2008 and by August 2008 I weighed 280 lbs for our wedding. I was disgusted with myself when I got our wedding pictures back I cried forever. Our wedding was beautiful and so much fun and the pictures were amazing...but who was this disgustingly overweight girl in the wedding dress?! That isn't what I look like, that's not what I feel like how can that possibly be me? But it was...and unfortunately that wasn't my top weight. We've had some scares in the last year and a half, they thought I had tumors...I've miscarried and the Doc said I would never be able to have children...and recently they said there was no more they could do for me. They would just keep trying to give me higher doses but that's all that could be done. A normal person with hypothyroidism takes their meds with a dose around 100mcg. I take 275mcg...and yet I'm still worse. But I'm not giving up hope, I refuse to believe that I will never carry a baby the full 9 months and have a normal baby, and although my Doctor has asked me over and over again to stop trying to diet and to just let the disease do what it will...I refuse to continue to be this overweight. Actually I'm not even overweight, I'm morbidly obese.



That's where this book by Mary J. Shoman comes in and the majority of the reason for this blog. I've tried tons of diets, Weight Watchers, Atkins, Insulin Resistant diets, cutting calories...you name it. On Average I eat 1500-1600 calories. Way less than most people eat in a day. I walk for 40-60 minutes every day...and when I'm able to I work out on the elliptical machine. Most days it's too hard though, I'm still so tired and exhausted and really all I want to do is never leave my bed. I don't though, I work, I spend time with my husband and puppy and friends. I don't want people to think I'm a depressed person who doesn't do anything with my life so I don't live that way. And I no longer want strangers to look at me and think I'm a couch potato that just sits there stuffing my face. It is incredibly difficult for someone with hypothyroidism to lose weight, the majority of us gain a lot of weight while we're trying to diet. So I'm going to try this one last diet and I will keep a blog on my journey during it. If you guys have any questions about anything please post it on my blogs I'll answer it. And now for the most embarrassing thing about all of this that most people do not know because they haven't seen me since I moved away....

My name is Molly, I'm 21 years old, I have had thyroid diseases for 10 years of my life and I have gained 183 lbs because of it. I am currently 323 lbs and I will, somehow, lose this weight.