Friends, I'm so so sorry about disappearing on y'all again when I just promised I wouldn't. If I had the time right now I would create a chart of exactly why I haven't been posting. But I'm about to fall asleep so I'll just type it! 70% is because with my new job -that I love btw-, I really do not have time! And when I'm home and not sleeping my husband, I have been incredibly busy with friends and preparing for our move, then when we aren't doing that we're trying to spend quality time together before crashing for the night! The other 30% is two things, but they kind of have to do with each other. The first part is 25%, I have started going about my life again, I LOVE my new job, Cory and I are hanging out with our friends and I'm happy so much. But there is something just not connecting in my brain that will let me move on from the pain. I don't know if it's having two miscarriages in 4.5 months, (which of course makes a total of 3 in a year and a half) or what but I have never experienced this kind of a broken heart and spirit. I don't know if I should say it on here, because I know some of these women read my blog...but I'm always honest with y'all. Right before I got pregnant the second time, My sister, and a friend got pregnant...right after two friends became pregnant as well. Well my sister and the first friend had their babies this week. And the other two are talking about the excitement of it happening soon. Don't get me wrong. I AM SO SO SO SO EXCITED for all of them, especially my sister who just brought the most beautiful girl into this world. But every time I see a picture or post on facebook it's like I get stabbed in the heart and stomach at once. and, well, it's definitely not helping with me trying to heal. AGAIN, I am not blaming THEM for anything, nor am I anything less than thrilled for them. It's just my own personal demons I'm dealing with that are enjoying that that's happening at this time. So that's 25%, and because of that I can't find it in me to TRY to eat healthy and diet. The last 5% is me just not knowing what to do. I'm not trying, nor do I want to right now. Err, let me phrase that differently, I want so badly to be thinner...SO badly...but I don't want to go through the act of trying to acheive that right now. So I didn't know what to tell you guys in a post whenever I remembered to post as I was climbing into bed.
I'm sorry I disappeared....and I'm sorry if I'm disappointing you by not trying. My mind, body, heart and spirit are not even on separate pages right now...they're all in different BOOKS! I'll try to keep y'all updated more, but like I said that first 70% makes it harder to post than before. I love you all very much, and hope to hear from you.
